Sunday, December 18, 2011

I'm...doing lots (and loving the season)

We all seem to get busy this time of year, what are you doing to slow down and take it all in?
I'm baking, crafting, and wrapping...must be that time of year again! I love Christmas, I usually love it more with snow but, hey I'm optimistic how cool would it be if the storm of the year happened Christmas morning? It would be a Christmas miracle!!
I'm missing my brother lots and wishing he and Luci would surprise us again (last year they pretended to skype with us for our Christmas morning and then pulled into the driveway all the way from Denver, made Christmas)!
I'm taking in every moment of Marty's Christmas spirit, I know he'll learn the truth about the magic all too soon and I want to enjoy every second we have left  of it!
I'm giving with my whole heart, many gifts are homemade this year which means I am making super special gifts for the people I love (or having Marty make them), don't worry Holly I bought real presents too :)
I was blind sighted by generosity this year for my Christmas program at work, what an amazing community I live in, I was speechless!
I was able to celebrate a dear friend aging with grace, style, and beauty...and she was glamorous!
I'm making every day in my count down to 30 matter..make everyday amazing (I'll post the 30 days of amazing after I turn 30)!
I'm taking it all in as it rushes by. I get silly and sentimental this time of year, and I think if there's ever a time to do so it's now, so here's  the sappy part, I feel so blessed to have amazing people in my life, you have all touched my heart in some way and I hope I do the same for you.

To all my loved ones
Merry Christmas

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Stress: A dirty little word

Busy, bustling, hustling, stretched thin, swamped, overwhelmed, and on, and on the words that come to mind for how things have been since my last post. On one hand I love being busy and on the other I like to feel as if I can breathe...
I'm trusting that this too shall pass, this every second filled with tasks, each as important as the other. It will pass won't it?
The Busy but Happy at work
The busy at work has been so rewarding, several goals I set for myself are coming together...
The busy at home has been fun as I redecorate and paint furniture etc. (it's my obsession with that I blame)...
The busy mom has been my favorite, I love this role most, there's something amazing in holding together the owies,the dentist appointments, the school projects, the volunteering in the classroom, the making favorite meals and treats, the everything in it...
The busy as a friend has I'm sorry to say been slacking, I'm sorry I've fallen off the face of the earth lately I hope I can begin to make a comeback soon...
The busy as a daughter of God has been present but lacking, I admit I have been forgetting to fully rely on God to help me with time management, that may be where I've been failing most, haven't I learned by now that I can't do it all by myself? Ok working on that starting now...
Marty the busy mom is my favorite hat to wear!

I'm glad I'm giving myself the opportunity to write it's one of my favorite things, it helps me think, makes me calm and reflective. I write now feeling as though everything else can wait. I need to go clean a dirty little word out of my life: goodbye stress!
I do not like the additional stress of stitches...he's crazy, and all boy!!
Less hair = less stress!!!! I love it!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Step slowly and gracefully...

I've been suffering from writers block these past few months. It's not that I don't want/love/need to write but I've let all of the too busy, stressed, burdened, riding through life stuff take priority.
I came across an amazing simple blog tonight. It inspired me.

Here's what the blog said:

"Whenever I feel like I need to change something and improve, I have to remind myself to take it slow. Change doesn’t come over night. It’s a process. Baby steps. Don’t dive right in. Step slowly and gracefully.  Be okay with imperfection.
I aim for being better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow."
My brother and me the beginning of our process (my grandma on mom's side)

I love the reminder of taking it slow, I don't know about you but when I rush my steps I don't have much grace, I usually look clumsy and stumble easily. I guess it's a fancy way of saying "be patient." My favorite is how she closes it "better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow." I will learn from today just as I've learned from every day before this, and I get the opportunity to do it better. It's a comforting thought, and a reminder to not dwell on the past or even the future but learn the most from this moment.
Speaking of blessings
my grandpa (on dad's side)
and me 
I'm grateful I have loved ones and God with me through the "process." I'm enjoying the journey and am everyday surprised by the blessings I have. But again I'm taking it all in, one day at a time, kind of slowly and gracefully!

find the blog at:

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I have a boy...oh boy!

It still boggles my mind that I have a boy. I think when I imagined having children I truly saw butterflies and daisies, and was excited about getting to play with barbies all over again. Don't tell Marty but I called my belly little girl until the sonogram in which with no uncertainty Dr. Kobalter told me "Oh yeah it's a boy!" And then I fell in love with the idea! My twin brother was one of the first to hear the news and he said "cool he'll be a football player!"

...and I suppose he was right...
Can't get around it he's all
 Having a boy has been wonderful, it has surpassed my dreams of butterflies and daisies! There is nothing more powerful than the mother son relationship I feel! He brings me smiles every day!

In my family I was the first girl and the only one for six years until the night I wished on a star when my mom was pregnant, "star light star bright first star I see tonight please give me a baby sister, please, no more boys!!!"
"please, no more boys..." I guess they're not so bad!
It would be years before I would know how to show appreciation for the gift God had given me in my baby sister who came from my wish on a star.
Sister from a star and my aunt Carmen
who happens to have a great dad!
I'm reminiscing a lot lately as I always do around Father's Day. I miss my dad and every time any of my adult friends talk about their dad, and talk about memories with them I always think about the what ifs in life. I am lucky though to know amazing women who have equally amazing fathers, who have loving relationships! I'd like to think my dad and I would be that way too. I think he'd laugh to see how I've adapted to enjoying slimy, gross, disgusting, and ultimately hilarious times with my boy! So it's a short but sweet post thanking my Heavenly Father for the beautiful blessing in Marty and hoping I'm giving my dad a good laugh!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

If I only Knew...

This is Marty in time out. If only my consequences
 for bad choices were this simple
I want more insight! If I could live life knowing if the decisions I am making are mistakes or not I'd find things much easier. I can only imagine the kind of parent I would be, far better I'm sure. The fact is as a parent I have the responsibility for several decisions regarding Marty's life and that's somewhat scary, correction thats outright terrifying. When I make decisions for myself I am the only one who faces the consequences for those decisions (at least I hope that's the case); but when I make choices for Marty I risk pain and heartache for him and his future development.I can't be sure that the choices I make are going to bring the best results for Marty, or that the costs won't be severely emotionally damaging It's the riskiest part of being a parent. Yet Marty always trusts my decisions. Not to say we don't have some conflicts because he doesn't want to go to bed at a certain time, or wants to play something, or watch something that I disallow, those usual parent child disagreements; but ultimately he's well behaved and follows my leadership.
I was thinking a lot about that this week as we've been going through a difficult time at home and I'm making tough calls regarding Marty's life. As I contemplated how much he fully trusts me I thought about how I've been a difficult child to God. I realized God has all the insight, when He decides my life He knows the outcome, He knows how difficult some things will be, and He knows what I'll look like on the other side of the tough stuff; but I fail to trust Him. I'm stubborn in my belief that I have all the control, and fail to recognize what a mess things would be if I did. I'm working very hard to let go of the reins. And as always Marty inspires me.

I've loved watching him Grow!
and I can't wait to see him grow into an amazing man!

So I'm giving it all to God and realizing that maybe as a parent it would be easier if I only knew what the outcome would be, but as child of God I have to trust Him because He already knows!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Snowed in again: Month 7 or so

I love Tahoe I really do,  but I believe God created the summers in Tahoe just as a reward for locals who survived the winter! I love when we can be outside all day long, when we don't even think about going indoors until the sun begins to May you might think we'd be incredibly close to those days right, not in Tahoe; while I was getting sun two weeks ago, today I watch snow fall to the ground, it's May 15th, it seems unfair as we had snow pretty early this year (like October right? it still counts even if it melts fast)! All I can do is get creative with indoor fun for the child, and for myself....I beleive laughter will keep me sane so I'll include some of my funnies from today:

Soo Marty

My Home

This made me tear up!

Soo Me!!

My yard on May 15th boo
Another May 15 yard pic

Monday, May 2, 2011

"I'm just learning..."

And what an amazingly cute kid he is!
"I'm just a kid mom, everybody expects me to know what to do, but I'm just learning." Marty has no idea how hard it is to remember that, but what he doesn't realize it that I forget that about myself too. Maybe I'm well past the kid part of my life but I'm still learning as I go. As hard as it is for me to admit I'm no longer able to cross my arms, stomp my foot, and believe I know everything. And major perspective shift: I no longer want to. I know it's a part of that young adult development, the egocentric center that demands that their world is not only the only one that matters but the only one that exists. It's that part of us in our early twenties that believes that everyone else around us must be crazy if they don't fully agree with our ideals, beliefs, passions.When I think of how many arguments I could have saved myself had I known how different all of those thoughts would be ten years later it makes me cringe. Theres a certain embarrassment to realizing that you'd been wrong all that time, especially when you voice your opinion as passionately as I do! And so that's why Marty's wisdom astounds me. He gets the pressure that we put on our youth as well as ourselves.
Marty took this picture; fully shows me in embarrassment mode!
I'm trying to remember to look at life through his eyes not only when I set expectations of him but also when I do the same for myself. If I expect Marty to accomplish certain tasks or achievements I need to first be aware of what foundation has been laid. He's just learning so I'm responsible for helping him gain mastery. So for me as an adult where can the foundation come from? The things I have to wrestle with are moral, character issues (not like Marty with his behavior improvement issues), things that I simply can't figure out on my own. It's in recognizing this, the inability to handle it all by myself, that I have to realize the role God has in my life. With His word as my foundation, I'm certain that I have His help in gaining mastery.

What is most amazing to me is that I'm more patient, better able to deal with stress, and finding more joy in my life since I realized that it's not all up to me. The pressure to always be right, know everything, and take it all on by myself was weighing me down. I simply am only one person in an imperfect world, and in everything that matters I can honestly say that still I'm just learning!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

I love you forever

I am the mother of an eight year old! Wow. I can't believe it, I still see him as a small little baby and sometimes I wish I could rock him like I did when he was just an infant. One of my favorite stories is the children's book  Love You Forever of a mother loving her son as he gets older and older and while he's sleeping she rocks her growing boy; then when she gets older he comes to see her and rocks her. She sings to him "I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." It's everything I want Marty to know. I read this story to him again on his birthday. My heart filled with love when I looked over to see tears in my 8 year olds eyes. I realized he understands how special this love is, this mother son thing!

This week I watched Marty with different eyes. I saw a mature little version of that baby I had, and I thought when did that happen? It seems as if almost over night. I wonder what the next several years will bring and I pray he will become an amazing man!

I'm so grateful that I was blessed with Marty and I love everyday I have with him!

Dear Marty,
I love you forever
I like you for always
as long as I'm living my baby you'll be!
Marty's Mom

p.s. Marty also has taken on new responsibility with Stella the Rat his favorite birthday present ever...I know I can't believe I went for it either!!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

"Hey Doc it hurts when I..."

 We've all heard the tongue in cheek joke about the doctor who gives the most simple advice to the patient, right? "It hurts when I do this", "then don't do that!" Thanks. That kind of advice doesn't help much and boy can it be expensive as you rack up the medical bills. I've begun to notice how much I've been doing that in my own life, and again the cost is too much.
I have somehow been fortunate to basically land in the therapy world (I had no idea that was where God wanted me when I started out), and one thing we hear a lot is self care, you can't take care of these kids if you aren't taking care of yourself. OK, I can handle that; bring on the self care! But it's hard in this world,  we are encouraged to keep going and keep taking on more, because success is measured by how heavy your burden and not by the quality of your life. And if you don't have success by these standards then you can't claim to be anything, to have done anything, to have any meaning. Discouraged? Me too! And then add on the scary task of child rearing and the responsibility that comes along with that; I almost want to throw in the towel.
And that's why I go to the "it hurts when..." in my life. It hurts when my son talks back to me so I simply don't give him a voice. It hurts when people reject me so I simply don't give them a chance. It hurts when I fall short so I simply don't ask for help.It hurts when I fail so I simply don't try.
I could go on and on with the hurts and the way I avoid it all, but if I go to the doctor and he tells me simply, don't do that, I'm going to feel cheated; why do I continue to cheat myself out of good medicine for life?

At work this week we had an assignment to do at case management. Write a prescription for life. Be specific. I had to come up with 3 things I needed to feel happy. Wow what seems so simple was incredibly hard. I wanted to be honest and not just add things like: lots and lots of chocolate would make me happy! But when I get down to it I'm not sure what 3 things I need. That's why I make a mess of things. How can I make Marty happy if I can't even figure out what makes me happy? That's exactly the point, I have to fix me before I have the skills to help anyone else! When you visit the doctor you ask for him to heal what ails you so that you can continue your life. I'm in desperate need of healing, we all are, I personally know I need to visit my personal physician God. His prescription for my life isn't always the easiest medicine to swallow, but I always seem to feel better.
God's prescription for life was definitely the blessing of this great kid!

In case you were wondering my RX for life is :
Connect with my closest friends once a week (call, email, write a letter/card, plan coffee, do lunch)
Connect with God several times a day (pray, read Bible, tell Marty about God, show gratitude)
Find alone time once a day (run, read, go home for lunch, take a walk at lunch)
Check in with Marty at least twice a day (car ride home, dinner time, school ride, take a walk with him)
Write once a week (blog, journal)
(I've added more than 3 as we were told that we should keep adding as we figure out more about what makes us happy, also I was even more specific by describing how to take the medicine)
Whatever the prescription make the choice to not accept a simple don't do that, avoiding the problem doesn't heal it!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sometimes the Balloon Could Burst!

Marty has deep thoughts very often!

I've volunteered for Challenge Day ( a few times and it's amazing! Today Marty had an assembly about bullying and some of the ideas borrowed from Challenge Day were presented. My son came to appreciate the lives of other kids and some of their actions, and remarkably felt compassion for so called bullys.  On the ride home today, where all great conversations happen, he said "mom, this guy said that some kids don't have anyone to talk to at home and that's why they hold it in and then just get angry." Wow, he took the whole point home! Later after dinner he said that everyone has balloons inside and if it keeps getting filled with bad stuff and bad stuff and bad stuff it's just going to 'POP!' Then he continued to say the pizza gave him heart burn or maybe it was just his balloon. I laugh but I'm so proud and I continue to think that I must be doing something right because he is coming home and talking, he is deflating his balloon. He's pretty lucky, I think, because as an adult I'm constantly filling my balloon to capacity. How are we supposed to deflate? I think we are expected to deflate it ourselves and that's just so much pressure (no pun intended) and I'm afraid I'm going to burst!!

I think that's why God is so important in my life. I love talking to my friends, to good advisors, to those I trust; but ultimately I have to make the choices and deflate my own filled balloon, and I can only trust that God will guide me in that!
With that said I think it's important to point out how important it is to have people who care about you and who you care deeply enough to trust with  your hearts aches. I think surrounding yourself with good people is  necessary, they fill you up with positive and this is a natural deflation. Being a good listener has just as much value as being listened to as well so never underestimate the power of being present either.
We have each other!

If you can take one bit from this blog I think it's to talk to people. You may need to deflate, you may help them deflate. But talking is the road to peace, we were built to have relationships with people and too often we go through the day or rather several days without connecting. We rob ourselves of something when we do. So whether it's heart burn or heart ache that makes your balloon hurt don't let it burst, find a way to deflate!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Caps for Sale!

I realize I'm wearing several different caps! And it's been hard.  Today was about appreciating the good things in my life and there are lots:

Friends and tailgating
friends and ferris wheels
friends and girly plays
A happy family
Friends and their love

And a good job, and a good head on my shoulders, and soo much! Thank you all for your role in my life you make it better!