Monday, May 2, 2011

"I'm just learning..."

And what an amazingly cute kid he is!
"I'm just a kid mom, everybody expects me to know what to do, but I'm just learning." Marty has no idea how hard it is to remember that, but what he doesn't realize it that I forget that about myself too. Maybe I'm well past the kid part of my life but I'm still learning as I go. As hard as it is for me to admit I'm no longer able to cross my arms, stomp my foot, and believe I know everything. And major perspective shift: I no longer want to. I know it's a part of that young adult development, the egocentric center that demands that their world is not only the only one that matters but the only one that exists. It's that part of us in our early twenties that believes that everyone else around us must be crazy if they don't fully agree with our ideals, beliefs, passions.When I think of how many arguments I could have saved myself had I known how different all of those thoughts would be ten years later it makes me cringe. Theres a certain embarrassment to realizing that you'd been wrong all that time, especially when you voice your opinion as passionately as I do! And so that's why Marty's wisdom astounds me. He gets the pressure that we put on our youth as well as ourselves.
Marty took this picture; fully shows me in embarrassment mode!
I'm trying to remember to look at life through his eyes not only when I set expectations of him but also when I do the same for myself. If I expect Marty to accomplish certain tasks or achievements I need to first be aware of what foundation has been laid. He's just learning so I'm responsible for helping him gain mastery. So for me as an adult where can the foundation come from? The things I have to wrestle with are moral, character issues (not like Marty with his behavior improvement issues), things that I simply can't figure out on my own. It's in recognizing this, the inability to handle it all by myself, that I have to realize the role God has in my life. With His word as my foundation, I'm certain that I have His help in gaining mastery.

What is most amazing to me is that I'm more patient, better able to deal with stress, and finding more joy in my life since I realized that it's not all up to me. The pressure to always be right, know everything, and take it all on by myself was weighing me down. I simply am only one person in an imperfect world, and in everything that matters I can honestly say that still I'm just learning!

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