Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I have a boy...oh boy!

It still boggles my mind that I have a boy. I think when I imagined having children I truly saw butterflies and daisies, and was excited about getting to play with barbies all over again. Don't tell Marty but I called my belly little girl until the sonogram in which with no uncertainty Dr. Kobalter told me "Oh yeah it's a boy!" And then I fell in love with the idea! My twin brother was one of the first to hear the news and he said "cool he'll be a football player!"

...and I suppose he was right...
Can't get around it he's all
 Having a boy has been wonderful, it has surpassed my dreams of butterflies and daisies! There is nothing more powerful than the mother son relationship I feel! He brings me smiles every day!

In my family I was the first girl and the only one for six years until the night I wished on a star when my mom was pregnant, "star light star bright first star I see tonight please give me a baby sister, please, no more boys!!!"
"please, no more boys..." I guess they're not so bad!
It would be years before I would know how to show appreciation for the gift God had given me in my baby sister who came from my wish on a star.
Sister from a star and my aunt Carmen
who happens to have a great dad!
I'm reminiscing a lot lately as I always do around Father's Day. I miss my dad and every time any of my adult friends talk about their dad, and talk about memories with them I always think about the what ifs in life. I am lucky though to know amazing women who have equally amazing fathers, who have loving relationships! I'd like to think my dad and I would be that way too. I think he'd laugh to see how I've adapted to enjoying slimy, gross, disgusting, and ultimately hilarious times with my boy! So it's a short but sweet post thanking my Heavenly Father for the beautiful blessing in Marty and hoping I'm giving my dad a good laugh!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

If I only Knew...

This is Marty in time out. If only my consequences
 for bad choices were this simple
I want more insight! If I could live life knowing if the decisions I am making are mistakes or not I'd find things much easier. I can only imagine the kind of parent I would be, far better I'm sure. The fact is as a parent I have the responsibility for several decisions regarding Marty's life and that's somewhat scary, correction thats outright terrifying. When I make decisions for myself I am the only one who faces the consequences for those decisions (at least I hope that's the case); but when I make choices for Marty I risk pain and heartache for him and his future development.I can't be sure that the choices I make are going to bring the best results for Marty, or that the costs won't be severely emotionally damaging It's the riskiest part of being a parent. Yet Marty always trusts my decisions. Not to say we don't have some conflicts because he doesn't want to go to bed at a certain time, or wants to play something, or watch something that I disallow, those usual parent child disagreements; but ultimately he's well behaved and follows my leadership.
I was thinking a lot about that this week as we've been going through a difficult time at home and I'm making tough calls regarding Marty's life. As I contemplated how much he fully trusts me I thought about how I've been a difficult child to God. I realized God has all the insight, when He decides my life He knows the outcome, He knows how difficult some things will be, and He knows what I'll look like on the other side of the tough stuff; but I fail to trust Him. I'm stubborn in my belief that I have all the control, and fail to recognize what a mess things would be if I did. I'm working very hard to let go of the reins. And as always Marty inspires me.

I've loved watching him Grow!
and I can't wait to see him grow into an amazing man!

So I'm giving it all to God and realizing that maybe as a parent it would be easier if I only knew what the outcome would be, but as child of God I have to trust Him because He already knows!