Stress: A dirty little word

Busy, bustling, hustling, stretched thin, swamped, overwhelmed, and on, and on the words that come to mind for how things have been since my last post. On one hand I love being busy and on the other I like to feel as if I can breathe...
I'm trusting that this too shall pass, this every second filled with tasks, each as important as the other. It will pass won't it?

The Busy but Happy at work

The busy at work has been so rewarding, several goals I set for myself are coming together...
The busy at home has been fun as I redecorate and paint furniture etc. (it's my obsession with www.pinterest.com that I blame)...
The busy mom has been my favorite, I love this role most, there's something amazing in holding together the owies,the dentist appointments, the school projects, the volunteering in the classroom, the making favorite meals and treats, the everything in it...
The busy as a friend has I'm sorry to say been slacking, I'm sorry I've fallen off the face of the earth lately I hope I can begin to make a comeback soon...
The busy as a daughter of God has been present but lacking, I admit I have been forgetting to fully rely on God to help me with time management, that may be where I've been failing most, haven't I learned by now that I can't do it all by myself? Ok working on that starting now...

Marty the busy mom is my favorite hat to wear!

I'm glad I'm giving myself the opportunity to write it's one of my favorite things, it helps me think, makes me calm and reflective. I write now feeling as though everything else can wait. I need to go clean a dirty little word out of my life: goodbye stress!

I do not like the additional stress of stitches...he's crazy, and all boy!!

Less hair = less stress!!!! I love it!

Step slowly and gracefully...

I've been suffering from writers block these past few months. It's not that I don't want/love/need to write but I've let all of the too busy, stressed, burdened, riding through life stuff take priority.
I came across an amazing simple blog tonight. It inspired me.

Here's what the blog said:

"Whenever I feel like I need to change something and improve, I have to remind myself to take it slow. Change doesn’t come over night. It’s a process. Baby steps. Don’t dive right in. Step slowly and gracefully.  Be okay with imperfection.
I aim for being better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow."

My brother and me the beginning of our process (my grandma on mom's side)

I love the reminder of taking it slow, I don't know about you but when I rush my steps I don't have much grace, I usually look clumsy and stumble easily. I guess it's a fancy way of saying "be patient." My favorite is how she closes it "better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow." I will learn from today just as I've learned from every day before this, and I get the opportunity to do it better. It's a comforting thought, and a reminder to not dwell on the past or even the future but learn the most from this moment.

Speaking of blessings

my grandpa (on dad's side)
and me 

I'm grateful I have loved ones and God with me through the "process." I'm enjoying the journey and am everyday surprised by the blessings I have. But again I'm taking it all in, one day at a time, kind of slowly and gracefully!






find the blog at:
http://www.remodelingthislife.com/2010/10/10/31-days-of-living-simply-day-10-better-than-yesterday/

I have a boy...oh boy!

It still boggles my mind that I have a boy. I think when I imagined having children I truly saw butterflies and daisies, and was excited about getting to play with barbies all over again. Don't tell Marty but I called my belly little girl until the sonogram in which with no uncertainty Dr. Kobalter told me "Oh yeah it's a boy!" And then I fell in love with the idea! My twin brother was one of the first to hear the news and he said "cool he'll be a football player!"

...and I suppose he was right...

Can't get around it he's all
boy!

 Having a boy has been wonderful, it has surpassed my dreams of butterflies and daisies! There is nothing more powerful than the mother son relationship I feel! He brings me smiles every day!

In my family I was the first girl and the only one for six years until the night I wished on a star when my mom was pregnant, "star light star bright first star I see tonight please give me a baby sister, please, no more boys!!!"

"please, no more boys..." I guess they're not so bad!

It would be years before I would know how to show appreciation for the gift God had given me in my baby sister who came from my wish on a star.

Sister from a star and my aunt Carmen
who happens to have a great dad!

I'm reminiscing a lot lately as I always do around Father's Day. I miss my dad and every time any of my adult friends talk about their dad, and talk about memories with them I always think about the what ifs in life. I am lucky though to know amazing women who have equally amazing fathers, who have loving relationships! I'd like to think my dad and I would be that way too. I think he'd laugh to see how I've adapted to enjoying slimy, gross, disgusting, and ultimately hilarious times with my boy! So it's a short but sweet post thanking my Heavenly Father for the beautiful blessing in Marty and hoping I'm giving my dad a good laugh!

If I only Knew...

This is Marty in time out. If only my consequences
 for bad choices were this simple

I want more insight! If I could live life knowing if the decisions I am making are mistakes or not I'd find things much easier. I can only imagine the kind of parent I would be, far better I'm sure. The fact is as a parent I have the responsibility for several decisions regarding Marty's life and that's somewhat scary, correction thats outright terrifying. When I make decisions for myself I am the only one who faces the consequences for those decisions (at least I hope that's the case); but when I make choices for Marty I risk pain and heartache for him and his future development.I can't be sure that the choices I make are going to bring the best results for Marty, or that the costs won't be severely emotionally damaging It's the riskiest part of being a parent. Yet Marty always trusts my decisions. Not to say we don't have some conflicts because he doesn't want to go to bed at a certain time, or wants to play something, or watch something that I disallow, those usual parent child disagreements; but ultimately he's well behaved and follows my leadership.
I was thinking a lot about that this week as we've been going through a difficult time at home and I'm making tough calls regarding Marty's life. As I contemplated how much he fully trusts me I thought about how I've been a difficult child to God. I realized God has all the insight, when He decides my life He knows the outcome, He knows how difficult some things will be, and He knows what I'll look like on the other side of the tough stuff; but I fail to trust Him. I'm stubborn in my belief that I have all the control, and fail to recognize what a mess things would be if I did. I'm working very hard to let go of the reins. And as always Marty inspires me.

I've loved watching him Grow!

and I can't wait to see him grow into an amazing man!

So I'm giving it all to God and realizing that maybe as a parent it would be easier if I only knew what the outcome would be, but as child of God I have to trust Him because He already knows!

Snowed in again: Month 7 or so

I love Tahoe I really do,  but I believe God created the summers in Tahoe just as a reward for locals who survived the winter! I love when we can be outside all day long, when we don't even think about going indoors until the sun begins to set....by May you might think we'd be incredibly close to those days right, not in Tahoe; while I was getting sun two weeks ago, today I watch snow fall to the ground, it's May 15th, it seems unfair as we had snow pretty early this year (like October right? it still counts even if it melts fast)! All I can do is get creative with indoor fun for the child, and for myself....I beleive laughter will keep me sane so I'll include some of my funnies from today:

Soo Marty

My Home

This made me tear up!

Soo Me!!

My yard on May 15th boo

Another May 15 yard pic

"I'm just learning..."

And what an amazingly cute kid he is!

"I'm just a kid mom, everybody expects me to know what to do, but I'm just learning." Marty has no idea how hard it is to remember that, but what he doesn't realize it that I forget that about myself too. Maybe I'm well past the kid part of my life but I'm still learning as I go. As hard as it is for me to admit I'm no longer able to cross my arms, stomp my foot, and believe I know everything. And major perspective shift: I no longer want to. I know it's a part of that young adult development, the egocentric center that demands that their world is not only the only one that matters but the only one that exists. It's that part of us in our early twenties that believes that everyone else around us must be crazy if they don't fully agree with our ideals, beliefs, passions.When I think of how many arguments I could have saved myself had I known how different all of those thoughts would be ten years later it makes me cringe. Theres a certain embarrassment to realizing that you'd been wrong all that time, especially when you voice your opinion as passionately as I do! And so that's why Marty's wisdom astounds me. He gets the pressure that we put on our youth as well as ourselves.

Marty took this picture; fully shows me in embarrassment mode!

I'm trying to remember to look at life through his eyes not only when I set expectations of him but also when I do the same for myself. If I expect Marty to accomplish certain tasks or achievements I need to first be aware of what foundation has been laid. He's just learning so I'm responsible for helping him gain mastery. So for me as an adult where can the foundation come from? The things I have to wrestle with are moral, character issues (not like Marty with his behavior improvement issues), things that I simply can't figure out on my own. It's in recognizing this, the inability to handle it all by myself, that I have to realize the role God has in my life. With His word as my foundation, I'm certain that I have His help in gaining mastery.

What is most amazing to me is that I'm more patient, better able to deal with stress, and finding more joy in my life since I realized that it's not all up to me. The pressure to always be right, know everything, and take it all on by myself was weighing me down. I simply am only one person in an imperfect world, and in everything that matters I can honestly say that still I'm just learning!

I love you forever

I am the mother of an eight year old! Wow. I can't believe it, I still see him as a small little baby and sometimes I wish I could rock him like I did when he was just an infant. One of my favorite stories is the children's book  Love You Forever of a mother loving her son as he gets older and older and while he's sleeping she rocks her growing boy; then when she gets older he comes to see her and rocks her. She sings to him "I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." It's everything I want Marty to know. I read this story to him again on his birthday. My heart filled with love when I looked over to see tears in my 8 year olds eyes. I realized he understands how special this love is, this mother son thing!

This week I watched Marty with different eyes. I saw a mature little version of that baby I had, and I thought when did that happen? It seems as if almost over night. I wonder what the next several years will bring and I pray he will become an amazing man!

I'm so grateful that I was blessed with Marty and I love everyday I have with him!

Dear Marty,
I love you forever
I like you for always
as long as I'm living my baby you'll be!
Love,
Marty's Mom

p.s. Marty also has taken on new responsibility with Stella the Rat his favorite birthday present ever...I know I can't believe I went for it either!!